


The Florida Plane Man

by lisboun



Category: The Mentalist
Genre: Fluff, Fluffy, post-Blue Bird
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:06:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28175127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisboun/pseuds/lisboun
Summary: Jane's dramatic confession to Lisbon takes place in front of dozens of witnesses. The year is 2014—everyone has a camera phone. Surely somebody got it all on video.(A humorous take on the aftermath of 6x22/Blue Bird.)
Relationships: Patrick Jane/Teresa Lisbon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 60





	The Florida Plane Man

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, first off many apologies for being MIA! I still have ideas for my other stories and I'm still working on the end to Threads. I'm on holiday break for the next few weeks and I'm optimistic that I'll be able to get a lot of writing done!
> 
> I recently (finally) got to Blue Bird in my Mentalist re-watch, and I have been riding the high of seeing Jane and Lisbon getting together again hehe. I couldn't help but put my excitement on paper. There are probably a gazillion of them out there already, but I started writing my own little post-season 6, pre-season 7 fic.
> 
> The following is one of the ideas I had for it—I decided to post this as a one-shot first because I think it stands pretty well on its own.

Abbott, Fischer, and Cho take off for Austin without them. Amidst the logistical mess of reversing Lisbon's transfer, Abbott suggests that she take some leave. She accepts this without hesitation—she has her own headache of cancelling her move to deal with. Jane claims he must take some leave too, citing his ankle as cause for incapacitation. This doesn't seem to convince Abbott in the slightest, but he grants the leave nevertheless. Besides, the two of them still have one night of their reservation left at the Blue Bird Lodge.

They are both eager to leave the airport, but neither of them disagrees to staying a bit longer for breakfast. Unlike Lisbon, Jane had not had access to vending machines while in TSA holding. He munches down the granola bar she gives him from her bag in less than a minute. His twisted ankle still produces a limp, but this doesn't stop him from pulling her by the hand to the closest airport bistro for pancakes, bacon, eggs, and everything in between. Once their stomachs are satisfied, they are ready for their journey back to Islamorada.

Their taxi driver is an older, bald but bearded man, much taller and larger than the two of them. He disembarks from the driver's seat to greet them at the airport curb, his shiny head nodding in greeting.

He looks at them a bit oddly as he loads their belongings into the trunk. There isn't much to store—Jane had left his belongings back at the hotel.

It isn't until they are all situated in the car, seat belts fastened, that the driver turns around to acknowledge them aloud.

"Oh, hey! You guys are that plane couple."

Lisbon is glad this comes after she's had a sip of water, otherwise she probably would have choked. She immediately looks up at the driver, turns to meet Jane's eyes, and then whips her head back to the driver. "What? _Plane couple_?" Her rising blush is especially red against her pale skin. _Oh God, how did word spread this far?_

Beside her, Jane curls the corners of his mouth up slightly, eyes twinkling. "Seems like we are a bit famous now, eh?"

The driver nods, grinning widely, eyebrows raised with enthusiasm. "Yeah! Guess it's my lucky day—I get to drive some _celebrities_ around." He gives them a wink and turns back around to step on the accelerator, kicking off their journey back to Islamorada.

Lisbon sinks further into her seat and knits her eyebrows together in worry. The last thing she wants right now is to be a topic of hot gossip for airport employees. Or for the general public, for that matter. The FBI office gossip is already going to be bad enough.

She turns to Jane again. "How did he know—?"

Jane opens his mouth and she is ready to hear his detailed, play-by-play postulation of which passengers are most likely to have spread the news, and how it had traveled from plane to local taxi, especially given that she had been on a _departing_ flight. But then the driver pipes up again to answer her question.

"Oh, the video!"

Their eyes grow wide at this, and Lisbon's mouth drops open a little. "The. _Video?_ "

"Yeah!" The driver remains unaware of their surprise, and her fear. "On YouTube."

Jane, a dinosaur when it comes to technology, likely hadn't even considered social media as the vehicle.

"Oh," he says simply. "YouTube. Why, of course."

Lisbon moves quickly to verify it. Her phone is low on battery, but the issue at hand can be classified as an emergency in her book. Jane leans over from his seat to get a view of her little Blackberry's screen.

"Can you remember what the video was called?" she asks the driver.

The man thinks for a second, then hums a negative response. "Mm mm. Oh, you can find it on my page, though! 'Cause I pressed 'Like' on the video. Just look up '786, underscore, fire, another underscore, cabbie.'"

Sure enough, on _786_fire_cabbie_ 's profile, there is a link to a video titled _Florida Man Confesses Love on Plane, Gets DRAGGED Away by the TSA!!_

"' _Florida Man Confesses Love on Plane_?'" Lisbon reads aloud incredulously. She gets a tickle out of Jane's given title. But, the amusement is countered by the dread she feels rising inside her.

Jane smiles widely, clearly very amused himself, and perhaps even a little proud. "Florida Man," he repeats.

She takes a deep breath before pressing 'Play.' The clip is only a minute long, and the quality is a little subpar due to their poor internet connection, but the identities of the people in the video are undeniable. There they are—her in seat 12B, him towering over her from the plane aisle, hands waving around in the air.

The poster had started recording right after Jane had marched onto the plane. In other words, they had captured _everything._ From the moment she looks up and is shocked to see him, to when he is taken away by the TSA. And everything in between—all four declarations of love are heard in all of their glory. The cameraman had even had the audacity to zoom in on their frenzied faces for dramatic effect.

"Oh my God," she gasps. "Oh my God." Her mouth gapes open in horror, and she simply doesn't want to believe what is happening.

Jane takes a finger and fiddles with her cell phone's trackball in an attempt to navigate the rest of the webpage. "Look, it's had 180 views. That's not so bad!"

She studies his face quizzically, unsure if he means this in the context of having too many views, or not enough views.

The video had been published online by a _gatorade11_ —it seems the account had been made for the sole purpose of posting the video, given that there are no others listed on its profile.

"Well, this is a _little_ embarrassing," Jane admits, without any trace of the panic she currently possesses. "But nice that we have this momentous occasion on record, huh?"

Lisbon shakes her head hastily in response. "We need to get this off the internet _now._ "

"Aw, come on. Are you embarrassed?"

"Yes! And I don'twant people finding out about us like this! _Especially_ people from work."

She sees his eyebrows raise at her mention of an _us._ They haven't had a chance to really discuss what will happen next, given how soon they had been interrupted by Abbott in the TSA holding room. She has let her position slip a little bit with the _us._ He gives her a goofy smile, and she flashes him one back.

Now isn't really the time to contemplate that other matter, though. More pressing things are at hand.

"How do we get this video deleted?" she asks the driver, not that she is really banking on him knowing the answer.

"Beats me," the driver says. "It's so sweet though, don't take it down! But if you really wanna, hm... Report it to the police, maybe? _I_ dunno."

Amidst all of her anxiety, Lisbon suppresses a chuckle at this suggestion. She meets Jane's eyes once again. The two of them communicate without words, and agree that they are better off _not_ disclosing that they are FBI.

Jane takes her hand, his expression becoming more serious. "I'm sorry," he says.

"It's okay. It's not your fault."

"Well, it kind of is."

"Wait. You're right." She can't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of everything now. "But it's still okay." There's no way she could possibly be angry with him at the moment—she's still deep in euphoria over their kiss in the TSA holding room.

She keeps her fingers laced in between his, even once they get a little sweaty, for the rest of the cab ride.

While the thought of the scene being available to the general public remains mortifying, she can't help but re-play the video a few more times. It _is_ kind of nice to have the whole fiasco on tape, to be able to hear his confessions again, word for word.

By the time they reach the Blue Bird Lodge, the video is up to 201 views. She laments this information to Jane, who shakes his head and grins.

"Don't worry, I'll bet about half of those new views are from _you_ re-watching the video."

The receptionist greets them with a smile as they enter the hotel. Jane had never checked out of the place, so no extra arrangements are required. The receptionist does look a little curious to see Lisbon, who she had witnessed throwing a cup of water at him yesterday. She doesn't say anything, however, and simply appears relieved that they have managed to work it out.

Jane offers to carry Lisbon's bag. She declines at first, but then hands it over to him, letting him lead the way to her hotel room. She knows he won't be so presumptuous as to assume that she would want to come to his. At the door, he seems prepared to bid her goodbye until dinnertime, but she grabs his hand and pulls him inside.

"No, come in. We still have a problem to take care of, remember?"

For a split second his expression changes, and she knows what he _thinks_ she is referring to. But then he is reminded of the video.

"Right. _Florida Man,_ off the internet." He stands awkwardly with his hands in his pockets as she throws down her bag and retrieves her laptop. She sits down at the edge of her bed and motions for him to join her.

"Alright. First, let's try and figure out who _gatorade11_ is. I looked up the username and couldn't find accounts on any other social platforms. And I tried emailing 'gatorade11' on various domains but got error messages—there's no such address."

She pulls up the video again—it's at 224 views now. "Judging from the perspective, they were about three or four rows ahead of me. So that would be row 9 or 8. Not directly in front though—from the angle it looks like they were an aisle over." She hadn't been re-watching it in the car _just_ for the fuzzy feelings.

"Hm... yeah. And we would have seen them recording if they had been right in front of us." She can see Jane is a little distracted, but he pulls himself together. "Uh... Right. I would say—a young adult. Someone in their twenties. Someone with experience in a creative field, but not professionally. A hobbyist. Someone who _isn't_ much of a romantic. Otherwise, they would have given the video a more flowery title. Probably a male."

Lisbon doesn't take the time to delve further into his reasoning behind all of these hypotheses. "Okay. But how will we find him? It's not like we can ask our old friends at the TSA for the flight manifest."

Jane shrugs. "It's worth a shot just... _asking_ him to take it down. The simplest solution is often the best one."

Yeah, it was worth a try. She hums in agreement and opens a new window to create a puppet account for the message. "Hmph. It would be so much easier if we could just ask Wylie to deal with this."

As soon as these words leave her tongue, however, she makes a realization, and her draft does not go beyond ' _Dear gatorade11.'_

 _Of course._ Why hadn't she thought of this at the beginning? The lack of sleep and the day's excitement have caused her to overlook an obvious solution.

She turns her head to face Jane, and she can see instantly that he has come to the same epiphany.

"Wylie is great," he says. "But we don't need him -"

"- When we have Grace Van Pelt," she finishes.

Lisbon grins widely at the thought of sweet Grace coming to their rescue. Her smile shrinks, however, as she also realizes what this effort would entail.

"She'll know." The events depicted by the video are undeniable, undebatable. Recruiting Grace cannot be done without revealing their new secret.

Jane nods and cocks his head. "Well, yes. But would that be so bad? I mean, Grace will know eventually, anyway. And wouldn't you rather it be her?"

It doesn't take much contemplation for Lisbon to agree. Yes, she would much rather it be Grace than anybody else in the world. "You're right."

She takes out her cell phone to call their old colleague, and pouts once she is met with voicemail. _Hey, you've reached Grace. Leave a message and I'll call you back soon._

"Hey Grace, it's Teresa." She begins to stammer, not really sure how to explain the situation. "Uh...we... I... I have a situation that I would like to request your assistance with. Please call me back or text me as soon as you can. Thanks. Bye."

Jane chuckles as she hangs up the phone. "You make it sound like work," he says. "She's going to think this is for a case. Tracking down bad guys."

Lisbon bats at him, phone still in hand. "Yeah, I don't need any help tracking down the criminal 'cause he's _right here._ "

He suddenly grabs her hand then and leans in for another kiss—their first since leaving the airport. Her stomach flutters, and she is rendered speechless for a few moments, lamely staring at him and watching him revel in it.

"You know, that's gonna wear off."

"What?"

"You know. Just swooping in like that. Immobilizing me."

"Well, I guess I'll have to enjoy it while I can." She's close enough to see all of his smile lines as he grins.

They banter for a little while longer, again agreeing wordlessly to postpone any serious discussion until later tonight. Jane's stifled yawn gives her a cue to part ways.

"Okay, shoo now. Go take a nap."

He yawns again, making no effort to hide it this time. "See you at dinner." He flashes her another bright smile on his way out.

Lisbon takes some well-needed time to unwind after he leaves, unpacking the few belongings from her bag. They are only here for another night, but she still wants to enjoy the full experience of this charming hotel.

Taking a seat in the suite's plush armchair, Lisbon looks over at the three dresses Jane had gotten delivered for her. They are still right where she had left them yesterday—flung across the sofa. The pink one is still unzipped from when she had all but ripped it off of her. She frowns now, realizing how wrinkled the dresses must have gotten, and moves to relocate them.

They are hung more properly in the closet, and she begins to ponder which one she will wear to their second attempt at dinner. The pink dress doesn't seem as appealing now as it did yesterday, following everything that has happened after putting it on.

Not much time has passed, but she still checks her phone for messages from Grace. Nothing. This isn't surprising—she knows her former agent and her husband have been wildly busy lately with their business. She trusts that Grace will respond as soon as she can.

Feeling her eyes grow heavy again, she makes a point to return not to the armchair, but to the grand, fluffy bed. Nap time. Burrowing under the soft comforter, she leaps eagerly into a fine slumber.

The shrill ring of her Blackberry awakens Lisbon some time later. She groans as she rubs the sleep out of her eyes. The sunlight streaming in from the window tells her that there is still much left of the day.

She gives her body a nice stretch as she rolls over to reach for her phone. The caller ID is enough arousal for her to sit up in bed. After taking a second to clear her throat and mentally slap herself awake, she accepts the call.

"Grace, hi. Thanks for calling me back."

"Yeah, sorry it took a while—Wayne and I were meeting with some clients. What's up, Boss?"

"I am not your boss," Lisbon teases, affection rising in her chest. This has become a mantra for her when speaking to Wayne and Grace. It hasn't been so much of a problem with Cho, though he has let it slip a few times.

Grace laughs softly. "Yeah, yeah. I know."

Lisbon smiles to herself and musters up the courage to get on with business. She straightens her back and folds her knees up against her chest. "So... I need your help with something that might require some hacking."

"Of course. What's the case?"

"Well, it's a bit... It's more of a personal matter, actually."

"Oh, okay." The surprise is apparent in Grace's voice. The two of them have gotten closer since the fall of the CBI, but Lisbon has remained quite private about her personal life.

"Yeah," Lisbon continues. "It's a... there's a... I need to have a video deleted off of the internet."

" _Oh._ Okay." Grace sounds even more stunned now, and Lisbon winces as she realizes what kind of video her colleague is probably speculating about.

She rushes to shut this down. "Wait, it's not what you think!"

"And what am I thinking?" Grace is teasing _her_ now.

"Oh my God. I won't even go there. I—Okay, how about I email you the link to it?" She pinches the bridge of her nose. Grace will end up seeing the video anyway—might as well just let her watch it first to save the agony of _describing_ it to her.

"Yeah, sure thing."

Lisbon opens her laptop and cringes as she sees that the video is now up to 481 views. A few clicks, and then the link is on its way to Grace Van Pelt's inbox.

Her cheeks grow warm, and Lisbon is grateful that Grace can't see how embarrassed she is. Right now, anyway. She will see plenty of it in the video.

There is a pause as Grace starts up her own computer to retrieve the email. She hums to herself as she waits for everything to load, and through this Lisbon can pinpoint the exact moment she opens the link to the video.

The humming stops abruptly. "Wha-?"

" _Yeeaah._ " Lisbon squeezes her eyes shut as if this could shield her from what is happening.

"'Florida Man _Confesses Love on Plane?_ '"

"Yep." Her voice is getting smaller and higher-pitched—she can feel her throat trying to close up.

"'Gets _Dragged Away_ by the TSA?'"

" _Yep._ " God, this is mortifying.

"Boss—uh, Lisbon—Teresa— _what?_ This is what you want to get deleted? Are you in this video?" Grace has apparently not pressed 'Play' yet, and Lisbon realizes it is probably out of respect for her privacy.

"I sure am."

"Is _Florida Man_ who I think it is?" She can hear the excitement building in Grace's voice.

Lisbon stays silent, not wanting to confirm it, but realizing that she doesn't want to deny it, either.

"Boss, I won't watch the video if you don't want me to." Grace, thoughtful as always. It hadn't even occurred to Lisbon that Grace could accomplish this job without actually watching the video. It is a very appealing prospect.

But they have gotten this far, and the curiosity must be killing her. Besides, letting Grace watch the video is a small price to pay for the favor she is asking of her.

So she says yes. "Go ahead. But put your headphones in, _please._ "

"You got it." She says this with an enthusiasm reminiscent of the first few times Lisbon had let her interrogate a suspect.

There is another pause as Grace starts the minute-long video. About a few seconds in, Wayne can be heard calling from another room— _Honey, I'm going to the store! Text me if you need anything!_ Grace doesn't respond—probably too engrossed in the clip, Lisbon figures.

The stretch of silence is peppered with gasps and an "Oh my God," from Grace, likely corresponding to Jane's confessions.

"Teresa." She sounds absolutely giddy. "I can't believe this."

Lisbon rolls her eyes but can't help smiling at the same time. "I know—me neither. You can see why I want it deleted, though, yeah?"

"Well, yes. I'm on it. But _Teresa._ "

"I know."

"So you got off the plane, right? Are you two, like... together now?"

"We haven't had the chance to discuss it yet, but that's what it looks like, yeah."

Grace's suppressed squeal is still audible, and Lisbon can't deny the thrill she is feeling herself, at the thought of her and Jane finally being together.

Over the phone, there is an increasing amount of clicking, keyboard clacking, and various chimes. Grace is not letting her feelings prevent her from multi-tasking between fawning over them and accomplishing what is being asked of her.

"Okay, Boss. I've gained access to the servers at YouTube. I can delete it."

These words are music to Lisbon's ears. "Yes, please do."

"Got it. And, I ran my reverse video recognition software. I assume you want me to delete it from Twitter as well?"

" _Twitter?_ It's on there too?!"

"Yeah, it has 58 Re-tweets and 204 Likes on there."

"God. Yes, there too, please. Everywhere. I don't want to be known on the internet as the _Florida Plane Woman_."

Grace laughs and there is some more clicking and chiming. "You got it. But after I delete it, it _will_ be gone for good. Do you want me to save a backup? I can encrypt it for you."

Lisbon feels her cheeks grow warm again. "Yes," she says simply. As embarrassing as this whole thing is, she _does_ want to keep the video for herself and Jane.

"Okay. Done. It's all deleted. And I sent the encrypted copy to your email."

Lisbon lets out a big sigh of relief. "Thank you, Grace. I owe you big time."

"Not a problem at all."

Grace must be doing everything to restrain herself from asking more questions, out of respect for her privacy. Lisbon can tell she is ecstatic from the news, and also from the honor of being one of the first to know (aside from the scene's audiences, anyway).

Still, at the end of the call, her former agent can't help but add, "You'll tell me more about this later, right?"

"Yes, fine, I will." There is reluctance in Lisbon's voice, but it is accompanied by gratitude and affection rather than displeasure. "Thanks again. I'll talk to you soon."

"Great. Looking forward to it. Good luck with everything." She rushes to add something before they hang up. "Oh—and Boss?"

"Yes?"

"I'm happy for you."

"Thank you, Grace."

Lisbon's cheeks feel sore, and she realizes that she has been grinning for some time now. The video is off the internet, Grace has probably won whatever bet she's made with Wayne, and she is free to enjoy this adorable hotel and the man who brought her here.

She stretches her arms high up in triumph, and rises to start getting ready for dinner.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope this was a fun read for you! ALSO... I've been having some fun with iMovie as well since my break started haha. The video exists! Look up "Florida Man Confesses Love on Plane, Gets DRAGGED Away by the TSA!!" by lisboun on YouTube ;) I've also started making some Jane/Lisbon music videos on the same channel!
> 
> I've already written quite a bit of the rest of the post-s6/pre-s7 fic so that might go up soon. It's more angsty, hence why I posted this as a one-shot. But again, I'm still working on my other stories too!


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